It has come to my attention that my blog is less than a disclosure of the effect of things on me and more of a commentary on J.
You know what? It's true. And that is actually not okay.
I know that some things I have written have upset him, just as some things he has written have upset me. And some of those things are due to it being the other persons perspective, or omitted information etc. The nature of human relationships Im afraid.
So to start, I am going to offer J an apology right now, here on my blog, publicly, for the fact that this has become a commentary on him. J, it is not okay and I am sorry.
So I guess to begin the new direction i should acknowledge the fact that this journey has effected my ability to see how I am affected. I am so focused on him that I have trouble seeing me. Wow...
I am so afraid to let go of him that I have made his journey my journey. Just as he is so focussed on him he can't see anything, so I am so focussed on him I can't see anything.
Everything is so entangled I don't know where or how to start.
And he and I have such differing views on what is caused by what.
He separates what should be linked and I link what should be separate. But as communication isn't his strong suit, it's hard to find middle ground.
This blog is about to get scary for me.
Js blog is about the physical. The outer changes. The sometimes psychological changes, but rarely.
Mine is about the psychological and emotional effect on someone else. It is personal. Harder to make jokes or to distance one self.
It was supposed to be a supplement to his journey, how we did it together. It can't be. And now I am finding a new niche for it. And a new place for me to fit.
Because of his journey,I don't know where I fit anymore. I always used to fit with him.
