I have amazing children. WE have amazing children.
My daughter has been making little comments regarding J, asking at the dinner table with Js parents when he is getting his boobs cut off. Telling her grandmother that Mamou (J) is growing a beard. Telling someone off for calling J a girl.
But she is confused. Mostly she is okay. Then she comes out with statements like "Mamou isnt my mum anymore" And when i say no, Mamou is your dad, she says angrily "No. I have no dad. I have two mums, but mamou isnt my mum anymore". She has had nightmares about drs cutting off her body parts and pulling out her bones, in response to knowing that Js boobs will be cut off. She has dreams about J dying. And she is sad we are not together.
My son is trying to overcompensate. He is a sensitive soul. A beautiful gentle amazing incredible soul. And he is aching. And he is angry. And he is confused. He has been okay with the transition. I think he is happy that there is another guy around the place. But when he heard about the boob removal he FREAKED OUT!!! And he is sad we are not together.
My son has been seeing a counselor. And will continue to do so.
We have great friends who have said he can talk at any time. And i love that. But he is not, never has been, a talker or sharer. You have to push him and push him til he snaps to find out what is going on. I was like that as a kid. So i get it.
They are hurting and confused, not just because of the break up but because of the effect of his actions on them. Because he can not see past the end of his "nose" right now, he can not see the effect of his actions and words (or lack of them).
But I do believe that things are changing. And i know that they will be SO proud as they grow that their Mamou is so brave, and loves THEM enough to be true to himself. We have always encouraged our children to be true to them. We allow them their differences. to each other and to us.
They will be proud. And they will grow up stronger because of not only the example of courage, but the love they are surrounded with. In the interim, I shield them as much as possible from the negative effects. The effect on them NEVER dismissed, but gently and lovingly heard and acknowledged.
How do you keep a broken heart from the most perceptinve creatures you could come across? You dont. But you show them how to love THROUGH it.
Our children are the lights of our lives.
I love our family.
